Over 50, Looking for Love

Way back in the mid-1980s, Newsweek published a story that had single women quaking in their power suits. Drawing on the work of three Ivy League researchers, the story suggested that women over 40 had a greater chance of being killed by a terrorist than of finding a husband.

As Kristen Meinzer reported in a blog on Over 50’s Looking for Love the story and its claims were found to be completely flawed and Newsweek, after the twentieth anniversary of the piece, even retracted it.

Easier For Men to Remarry

Nonetheless, the image of the middle-aged, unloved divorcee persists—and it’s partly accurate (men have a greater chance of remarriage after age 50 than women of the same age), but it’s also not quite as bleak as the 1980s hysteria and some ensuing coverage makes it out to be.

According to 2001 US Census figures, 41 percent of women 50 and over who’ve been divorced have remarried, compared with 58.4 percent of divorced men of the same age.

Toughest for Educated Women

“Among the divorced, the least marriageables in our society are older women, highly educated who make a good salary,” says Dr. Francesca Adler-Baeder of the National Stepfamily Resource Center at Auburn University.

“Studies show men tend to marry down — someone slightly younger, less educated, making less money,” Dr. Adler-Baeder said. “Women in their 50s literally don’t have a visible pool of eligible men around them.”

It’s highly likely some of these over 50 women don’t want to marry again, but if they do they are increasingly turning to the Internet to find likely partners.

Internet Dating for Over 50s

The Sydney Morning Herald reported this month that at the Australian dating site RSVP the over-50s are the fastest-growing subscriber group, with a 30 per cent increase annually for the past five years. The stigma that once may have attached to internet dating is evaporating.

And at the free site Oasis, launched last year, more than 70,000 over-50s joined in the last quarter, said chief executive Dave Heysen.

“Think of a 55-year-old who’s been in a marriage since their 20s, and the relationship ends,” said Lija Jarvis, RSVP spokeswoman. “Their social network is limited. It’s daunting; the rules have changed; it’s difficult to connect to people at the same life stage as you if you leave it to chance.”

Anne Hollonds, chief executive officer of Relationships Australia (NSW), said older people were more comfortable with online dating than meeting partners in pubs or bars.

“If they are coming out of a 20-year marriage and looking to meet a new partner, they’re not likely to go to pubs or clubs. The internet is a much softer entry into the dating arena and older people are more comfortable with that.”

Ice Cream to Make You Horny

One of your favourite chilly treats just got very hot! A new gelato called The Sex Pistol, with supposedly the same charge as a dose of Viagra, is selling at fancy London department store Selfridges.

That’s right. A sexy icecream. And it can’t even claim to be the first ice cream designed to kick start romance. That distinction goes to the famed Heladería Coromoto ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuela, which launched a blue tinted delight (to match the little blue pill) made with “natural” – and secret – aphrodisiacs.

The Sex Pistol, which we first heard about on Lemondrop, was created by The Icecreamists in London. The frozen treat not only has ginko and guarana in it to increase blood flow, but it’s also flavored with La Fee Absinthe – highly alcoholic and as Cosmopolitan magazine suggests, probably the key to the whole I-want-to-have-sex promise.

Lining Up For More

The concoction has been described as “more Sid and Nancy than Ben and Jerry” and has predictably attracted unstoppable publicity for the “Pop Up Icecream Boutique” which will only be open in its subterranean Selfridge’s  location until November.

London media report the Sex Pistol and similar delights have everyone from tattooed hipsters to 85-year-old grandmas lining up for more.

World Record Flavours

Its Venezuelan competitor is famous for a multi-year streak in the Guinness World Book of Records for the most ice cream flavours: almost 900 at the most recent count (though only a paltry 70 or 80 are available on any given day). Besides Viagra, you might find the Coke and Diet Coke flavours, chile pepper, and even tuna.

How It Tastes: The Viagra Ice: “It may be hard to taste anything beyond the vivid aqua color, meant to evoke the little blue pill; the specific main ingredients are a secret, but are reportedly “natural” plant aphrodisiacs.” (Travel and Leisure)

The Sex Pistol: “Forget traditional vanilla, this will get your blood pumping” (The London Paper) “We want one” (Perez Hilton) “Electric” (The Daily Telegraph.)

Sex Boosting Flavours
The “warm up” though, it turns out you don’t have to buy a specialty flavour — standbys vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and pistachios all have supposed aphrodisiac powers, reports Travel and Leisure magazine in a story on the world’s strangest ice cream. Other alleged sex-drive-boosting flavors include pomegranate, honey, alcohol, avocado, cinnamon buns, licorice, lavender, chili and pumpkin pie, all of which are available as ice cream.

The ultimate dessert for that champagne and lobster dinner? Champagne sorbet with, um, lobster ice cream (really).

Sleep Better in Separate Beds

 

The Romans only used the marital bed for bonking, and sleep experts says they had the right idea.

Despite the fact that many couples think they sleep better if they have someone to cuddle up to, Dr Robert Meadows from the University of Surrey says a new sleep study shows couples who share the same bed suffer 50% more sleep disturbances than those who sleep apart.

Rows over snoring and duvet hogging can destroy the mystery of romance faster than a flannelette night gown, says sleep specialist Dr Neil Stanley.

Whatever Makes You Happy

Before the Victorian era it was uncommon for married couples to sleep in the same bed – and he suggests it could do more good than harm for your relationship to follow that pre-industrial lead.

He told the British Science Festival “It’s about what makes you happy. If you’ve been sleeping together and you both sleep perfectly well, then don’t change, but don’t be afraid to do something different.

“We all know what it’s like to have a cuddle and then say ‘I’m going to sleep now’ and go to the opposite side of the bed. So why not just toddle off down the landing?”

Tossing and Turning

He said poor sleep was linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders, traffic and industrial accidents, and divorce, yet sleep was largely ignored as an important aspect of health.

Despite this, couples are reluctant to sleep apart, with only 8% of those in their 40s and 50s sleeping in separate rooms, the British Science Festival heard.

What’s Your View?

So what do you think? Has sleeping apart improved your relationship, or do you feel out of touch. Do you want to sleep apart but feel anxious your partner will take it as a rejection?

The Boss Turns 60

The Boss made another milestone this week when he turned 60 AND made the cover of the Retired Persons magazine. Except Bruce Springsteen is anything but retired.

In the midst of a tour with his E Street Band, he wasn’t available to be interviewed about what it’s like to be 60 and still rocking.

It doesn’t quite compare with the rock legend’s past covers on Time and Rolling Stone.

Attitude Matters More Than Age

But AARP (formerly American Association of Retired Persons – how’s THAT for a name?) editor Nancy Perry Graham said they chose the rock and roller because he “personifies the message that attitude matters more than age.

“He’s one of these crop of 50-plus and 60-plus celebrities who are busier than ever in their older years and doing some of their best work,” Ms. Graham said. “The message with Bruce Springsteen is that 60 rocks.”

When Springsteen was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1999, it was U2’s Bono who gave the induction speech. Among the many nice things he said about his friend was this observation: “Bruce Springsteen, you always knew, was not gonna die stupid.”

Maintaining Relevance

Billy Joel, may have once sang “only the good die young,” but a growing amount of aging rockers continue to outlast expectation (The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, etc) while managing to maintain relevancy and avoiding becoming caricatures.

Love him or loathe him, The Boss has undoubtedly earned his inclusion with these luminaries.  We can only hope for more decades of his rip roaring, blue collar excellence.  Happy Birthday Bruce!

Wine Before Dinner Disturbs Sleep, Adds Kilos

I used to be wedded to my pre-dinner drink – a sip of chardonnay or sauvignon blanc while I cooked dinner, with perhaps a second to follow while I ate.

It seemed like a harmless reward at the end of the day, a nice way to unwind and just forget about the day’s petty irritations.  Never mind that it might add a few grams on the waistline, there was plenty of research to show having a wine now and then was good for my health – wasn’t there?

Then a friend went to Fiji for a month-long holiday with non-drinking friends and remarked she came back 7kg lighter simply from giving up her nightly tipple.

Do You Wake Feeling Exhausted?

At about the same time I noticed  I seemed to sleep through the night undisturbed when I had NOT had wine, when I’d developed an annoying pattern of waking at 2am and staying wide awake till 3 or 4am on other nights – meaning I woke at 7am feeling exhausted.

It got me thinking, but I didn’t put it all together until I Googled alcohol and sleep and found plenty of research which shows that while having that evening drink can hasten you getting to sleep – and yes I was also falling asleep over my book when I went to bed – it also disturbs sleep later in the night as its sedative effects wear off.

My ignorance about this sleep disturbing affect of alcohol is not unusual.  A British Government survey of 2000 drinkers published last month showed 58% did not realise regular drinking could disturb their sleep.

REM Deep Sleep Affected

The recommended daily intake for men is no more than four units a day – the equivalent of two pints of regular-strength beer, and for women no more than three units – the equivalent of a large, 250ml glass of wine.

Alcohol apparently disrupts the “REM” stage of sleep, which is thought necessary for a deep and effective slumber.

Studies show that a moderate dose of alcohol consumed as much as 6 hours before bedtime can increase wakefulness during the second half of sleep.

After drinking the body tends to fall straight into a deep sleep, and only enters the REM stage once the alcohol has been metabolised.

Permanent Sleep “Catch Up”

As the body wakes more easily from REM sleep, many drinkers find they stir early in the morning without feeling as if they have slept properly.

Sleep experts like Jessica Alexander from the UK Sleep Council say if you find yourself drinking above the recommended daily limits most days of the week, your body may be constantly trying to catch up and then it’s likely you’ll never feel fully alert or equipped to deal with the stresses and strains of daily life.”

Topp Twins Triumph

 

A pair of 51-year-old Lesbian twins who’ve been “out” since the 70s have triumphed in a doco Variety magazine critic John Anderson raves “has you falling in love with two of the crazier people you’ve never met.”

Following its screening at the Toronto Film Festival Anderson says the 84-minute life story of the country-music and yodelling sisters, The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls, “could well add Jools and Lynda Topp to a list that includes spring lamb and “Lord of the Rings” — that is, gifts from New Zealand to a world that usually doesn’t pay it any attention.”

Winning Ways of Love

And the conclusion critic Anderson reaches? The film “lays the evidence before us and lets us draw our own conclusion: that the indefatigably cheery and witty Topp Twins got that way through love.

“Musically, the pair resemble those American pop icons Phil and Don Everly; they sound like one voice harmonizing with itself. During an ’80s period in which they wore slicked hair and suits, they actually looked like the Everlys.

Untouchable Girls tells the sisters’ life story — from their farm-girl days to their work on behalf of Kiwi gay rights; from their ’80s appearances at anti-Springbok rallies to their relationship with their parents, who dealt with their two daughters’ homosexuality (a son is gay, too) with total support.

Warped Kiwi Humour

Yodelling lesbians shouldn’t work, says Anderson. Yet Jools and Lynda “have become crew-cut demi-goddesses in a country where the national character includes a warped sense of humor.”

“We’re not comedians,” Lynda Topp says. “We’re singers who are funny.”

Eating To Beat Prostate Cancer

Take a step away from the barbecue this season if you’re an over-50-year-old man who wants to be kind to his prostate. That’s the message from a review of diet recommended for preventing prostate cancer.

That’s not just because of potential carcinogens in the charred meat, but also because reducing intake of saturated fat and red meat , dairy and calcium, and increasing fruit and vegetables is most beneficial in preventing and treating prostate cancer.

Researchers Robert W.-L. Ma and K. Chapman recommend eating lots of tomatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, drinking green tea, and supplementing with vitamins including Vitamin E and selenium, which they say seemed to decrease risk of prostate cancer.

Japanese or Mediterranean Best

Two ethnic cuisines – traditional Japanese diet high in green tea, soy, vegetables, and fish, and the Mediterranean – high in fresh fruits and vegetables, garlic, tomatoes, red wine, olive oil, and fish – have long been credited with longevity and reduced risks of prostate cancer.

Combine those nutrition guidelines with exercise – research shows 30 minutes daily can slow prostate cell growth by 30 per cent – and you are making all the best choices for a long and healthy life.

Recommended Supplements

Vary diet as much as possible, and in addition:

• Take a multivitamin with B complex and folic acid daily.
• Avoid high-dose zinc supplements.
• Avoid flax seed oil. This can stimulate prostate cancer to grow. You can obtain the very healthy alpha omega-3 fatty acids you need through fresh fish and nuts.
• Use olive oil, which is very healthy and rich in vitamin E and antioxidants. Avocado oil is also good. Avoid oils high in polyunsaturated fats such as corn, canola, or soybean.
• Take vitamin E, 50 to 100 IU of gamma and d-alpha, only with the approval of your doctor. Some recent studies have raised concerns over serious risks with vitamin E intake. Natural sources include nuts, seeds, olive oil, avocado oil, wheat germ, peas, and nonfat milk.
• Selenium is a very powerful antioxidant and the backbone molecule of your body’s immune system. Most studies support a daily selenium supplement of 200 micrograms a day. The benefits appear to be only for those who have low selenium levels, which is difficult and expensive to measure. Since it only costs about 7 cents a day and is not toxic at these levels, it is reasonable for all men to take selenium. Natural sources include Brazil nuts, fresh fish, grains, mushrooms, wheat germ, bran, whole-wheat bread, oats, and brown rice.

Saw Palmetto and Lycopene

Prostate health can be enhanced with the herb saw palmetto and tomato extract lycopene found in herbal supplements like Quup. See What is Herbal Quup for more details and ordering options.

Getting Real About Prostate Cancer

Broadcaster, olive oil producer and P campaigner Paul Holmes has a simple prescription for getting the best out of life after prostate cancer; “Live to the full and laugh a lot.”

Since he was diagnosed in 2003 with the cancer that affects as many men as breast cancer affects women, Paul has been a slightly reluctant poster boy for what he says is seen as an “old man’s disease.”

But he says “it’s time men told other men they need to simply do one thing – get themselves checked.

“The difference between breast and prostate cancer can be seen in the death rates; while breast cancer rates have declined in the last ten years, prostate cancer rates have risen.

Life Changes After Cancer

In a Sunday Herald column to mark the Prostate Cancer Foundation’s Blue September awareness campaign last year he noted: “Life changes after breast cancer, just as life changes after prostate cancer.

“While women have gone out and made their sisters aware of breast cancer, men have failed to make their brothers as conscious of the dangers and prevalence of prostate cancer.”

He says undoubtedly the biggest impact prostate cancer has had on his life is the prolonged and sometimes humiliating treatment required, and “the loss of sexual function, or indeed, any desire.”

Says Paul: “After the hormone and radiation treatments, one ceases to even think about sex. Sexuality completely disappears. This would put strain on many a relationship, fortunately not on mine, though it changes things and you cease to wonder how it has.”

Staying Alive Without Sex

As Paul told New Idea; “It was a choice between staying alive and healthy and not having sex, or not having treatment. Well, the choice is a no-brainer, isn’t it?

“But that doesn’t mean that a person is not still a man. You know, I’m still competitive, ambitious and professional. I still love my family. And there was only one priority – you have got to get that cancer out of your body. Everything else is secondary.”

Paul and his wife Deborah had only just started living together when he was diagnosed, but they’ve weathered the storms and married a year later.

They point out that not all men lose sexual ability, and there are several options available in assisting with restoring sexual function.

Treatment Options

The severity of the erectile dysfunction – and whether it is temporary or permanent – depends on the type of surgery, stage of cancer, and the type of treatment.

One study shows erectile dysfunction rates of 66% for nerve-sparing prostatectomy versus 75% for non-nerve sparing surgery at one year after the surgery. The use of vacuum devices or drugs such as Viagra after surgery once the body has healed may improve the quality of erections and speed the return of normal sexual function.

Loss of erectile function is the most common long-term complication of radiation therapy. But its occurrence decreases when more sophisticated treatments, like radioactive seed implants (brachytherapy), intensity-modulated radiotherapy (IMRT), and 3-D conformal radiotherapy, are used.

Men’s Awareness Growing

Five years on from his diagnosis Paul says men are now much more aware about prostate cancer.

“My own prostate cancer and the ensuring publicity might have helped a little. Certainly there is now much more knowledge and many men approach me for advice. Any cancer is freaky and worrying, but I sense there is no longer any reluctance to be open with others about prostate cancer.”

If there was one thing he’d like to get across to NZ Prime Minister John Key it’s the need for a national campaign to alert men to the need to get prostate cancer checks annually.

“Every time men get a blood test over the age of 40, the doctor should probably tick the box for a PSA test. Men have a responsibility to get themselves checked.”

Keeping a Healthy Prostate

A low-fat, high-fiber diet, reducing stress and getting regular exercise can all help safe guard prostate health, research shows. Dietary supplements like Quup, containing herbs like saw palmetto and active ingredients like lycopene (from tomatoes) can also be beneficial.

Caffeine – Sex Booster or Cause of Infertility?

Four out of five Americans and two out of five Australians start the day with a coffee.

It’s almost certainly not the same brew –“the best coffee in the world” – consumed by Jack Nicholson’s character in the 2007 movie The Bucket List.

That was a rare blend known as Kopi Luwak, civet coffee – where the beans have passed through the digestive tracts of civet cats, and are gathered when the seeds, still coated in some cherry mucilage, are eliminated in the cat’s “poop”. Great!

But whether you take your daily caffeine fix in Kopi Luwak or Starbucks, in cola, chocolate or black tea – there’s truckloads of conflicting evidence about whether caffeine is good for your health and love life, whether it boosts sexual desire or causes infertility.

Good and Bad News About Caffeine

Good: A new study shows caffeine gets females in the mood for sex. With a few provisos – if you’re a female rat who hasn’t previously experienced a caffeine “lift”  – it had them coming back for more – sex that is not coffee.

Researcher Fay Guarraci, an assistant professor of psychology at Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas, is cautious about whether it would boost women’s sex lives in the same way.

“We gave only one dose of caffeine to animals who had never had caffeine before.

“Most of the time, women drink coffee on a daily basis or ingest caffeine in cola beverages,” she observes. “In humans, it might enhance the sexual experience only among people who are not habitual users.”

Bad:  More than four cups of coffee a day increases infertility in women who are already subfertile, according to a new European study. For many women though, it probably won’t make any difference.

One study done in 2003 showed women who consumed less than 300 mg of caffeine a day (appx 2-3 cups of coffee) a day did not experience reduced fertility.

Yet another study of over 1000 women found the risk of not conceiving to go up with each additional cup of coffee, where even one cup reduced a woman’s ability to conceive.

The results are mixed for men as well. One study showed that sperm count, motility and abnormalities increased with the number of cups of coffee drank in a day – while another Brazilian study showed increased motility for mild to heavy coffee drinkers.

Good: Coffee drinkers had a significantly reduced risk of diabetes, Parkinson’s Disease, cirrhosis of the liver, and gallstones.

• A recent Harvard study of over 126,000 people conducted over 18 years found that compared to non-coffee drinkers, drinking 1-3 cups of coffee a day will reduce the risk of diabetes by single digits, but drinking 6 or more cups a day reduced that risk by 30% in women and 54% in men.
• At least six studies have shown coffee drinkers are significantly less likely to develop Parkinson’s Disease (at least three studies showed that the more coffee you drank, the lower your risk).
• Coffee drinking reduces the risk of cirrhosis of the liver by up to 80%, and cuts the risk of gall stones in half.

Bad: Random Coffee Fact: People who buy coffee primarily at drive through windows on their way to work will spend as much as 45 hours a year waiting in line.

Good: Caffeine aids weight loss

Caffeine speeds your body’s metabolism so you burn calories at a faster rate, and it breaks down fat. Fat conversion is up to 30% more efficient when you consume caffeine before you exercise. It also keeps blood sugar levels higher, reducing appetite.

“A Little Bad, A Lot of Good”

Concludes Dr. Tomas DePaulis at Vanderbilt University Institute for Coffee Studies: “Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more helpful than harmful.” Drinking coffee, he says, brings little bad, but a lot of good.

Why Women Want Sex

Women have sex to “ensure a quiet life” or to “bargain for household chores” ahead of expecting the earth to move.

That’s what a survey of 1000 women interviewed by Texas University professors admitted as their reasons for having sex. Forget physical attraction!

From relieving boredom, to keeping the peace or curing a headache, women have sex for many reasons but romance and passion come rather low on the list, a book presenting the survey results reveals.

One woman even admitted to having sex just so her husband would put the rubbish out.

Mundane Motives

“Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,” Why Women Have Sex authors Cindy Meston and David Buss said.

One woman she did it for a spiritual experience, proclaiming: “It’s the closest thing to God.”

But mostly the explanations were far more mundane, with 84 per cent admitting to having sex just to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for household chores. One woman said: “I have sex to relieve the boredom because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do.”

While it may not come as welcome news, some women have sex out of sympathy, with one admitting: “I slept with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them.”

But many have more selfish motives, with financial or material rewards a major factor.

Sex For Fun

In one survey of students, nearly one in 10 women admitted to “having sex for presents”. Others said: “He bought me a nice dinner”, “he spent a lot of money on me early on”, “he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle”.

And rather than love or romance, for many women sex is just about fun.

Six in 10 university students said they slept with a male friend who was not their boyfriend.

“Life is too damn short to be waiting four years to have sex again,” one said.