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  • midlifelove 3:05 am on June 4, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , hormones, intimacy, libido loss, , patricia love, , , , sexual issues, sexual needs, wedding promise   

    Warm Love, Cold Sex 

    When Love is Warm but Sex is Cold

    You still love each other, but you just don’t want to “do it” any more. “Till death us do part” may be the  age-old wedding-day promise, but the sad reality is that within four years of couples setting up house together, more than half will be dealing with the ‘death’ of their active sex lives.

    Once the “hormone high” of romantic love has helped a couple to bond, it’s often a slow fade according to new research showing secure relationships kill off a woman’s sex drive, with even young women affected by libido loss.

    Women who were ‘hot to trot’ when love was new – with 60% wanting sex “often” – were decidedly lukewarm four years on, with less than half of 30-year-old women wanting regular sex.

    After 20 years, interest in regular sex had plummeted further, with only 20% of 50-year-old women interested. Their men, in contrast, remained at a constant simmer, with 60 to 80% wanting regular sex over the same time period.

    It’s a sexual disconnect that can lead to recriminations and rejection. He feels he’s been “tricked” by a woman who seemed to want him and then went cold. She thinks he worked at turning her on until he had “caught” her and now he doesn’t bother about her needs any more.

    Both start looking for alternatives, and soon the romantic merry-go-round begins all over again. The great news is, it doesn’t have to be like that. A cold bed isn’t the inevitable outcome.

    Sex therapists like Bettina Arndt (The Sex Diaries, 2009) and love educator Dr Patricia Love (The Truth About Love, Simon and Schuster, 2001) advocate a range of strategies for keeping love alive once the hot glow of hormone heaven has cooled.

    sexy legs

    1) Just do It

    It’s unfair to be in a relationship and not engage in sexual activity, if that’s what your partner wants, Dr. Love says. “To say ‘I won’t be sexual with you, and you’d better not go get it somewhere else either’ is a non-relational way of addressing sexual issues”.

    Say “Yes” more often, says Bettina: “Once the canoe is in the water, everyone starts happily paddling. For couples to experience regular, pleasurable sex and sustain loving relationships women must get over that ideological roadblock of assumptions about desire and ‘just do it’. The result will be both men and women will enjoy more, better sex.”

    2) Make Sex a Priority

    Don’t leave a love date to chance. Agree to find a regular time for  intimacy and it will take the pressure off the rest of your time together.

    3) Understand low desire is often no reflection on your relationship.

    Both men’s and women’s sex drives have normal highs and lows. It is natural for relationships to pass through predictable “ups and downs”, which many couples mistake for “the end of love”. Persevere and choose to discover more about your own needs and those of your partner.

    4) Communicate your sexual needs

    It’s not reasonable to expect your partner to automatically know what will turn you on, or how you are feeling. Make a pact to listen to one another, and be brave enough to be open and honest.

    5) Accept the differences between you and your partner.

    There’s an old quip: “Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.” Partners often think their marriage would be great if only the other person would change. But often they are just attempting to close the gap on the inherent differences that define each person- differences that were not obvious or that they overlooked early in the relationship when “love was blind” – or veiled by hormones. Such futile efforts (trying to change the unchangeable) merely work to build resentments and break apart intimacy.

  • midlifelove 4:53 am on May 26, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: agressive, anger, , cars, drivers, finger, getting mad, gta, hormones, potential menace, pupils dilate, road rage, shout, speed limit, swear   

    How to Control Anger in Bad Traffic 

    It’s so easy to take traffic delays personally. You’re desperate to make your appointment on time – to get to the doctor, pick up children from school, keep an important business deadline – and every red light, every slow driver hogging your lane, feels like some universe-wide conspiracy designed to frustrate you. Could it be you are over reacting?

    Are You Roadrageous?

    Do any of the following driving behaviours sound like you?

    • I regularly exceed the speed limit in order to get to work on time.
    • I tailgate other drivers, especially those who sit in the left lane.
    • I flash my lights and honk my horn to let drivers know when they annoy me.
    • I verbally abuse other drivers whether they can hear me or not.
    • I frequently weave in and out of traffic to get ahead.
    • I feel the need to set bad drivers straight.

    If you answered yes to some or all of these questions, you’re in danger of being “roadrageous” – in other words you could be an aggressive, hostile driver who may be endangering your own health as well as being a potential menace to others.

    But isn’t getting mad a natural man-thing?

    Being a bit hot-headed and pushy – well that’s just testosterone talking, you might think. It’s expected in assertive, successful men – and yes in these emancipated times, of achieving women too. But there’s a downside to the masterful, short-fused Type A personality.

    Your body’s full-blooded physical response to anger might have come in handy when our ancestors were trying to club a cave bear to death. But it really doesn’t help much when you get stuck at a red light.  In fact, uncontrolled anger is worse than useless: It’s bad for you. Several studies have shown those who had high levels of anger — but normal blood pressure — were more likely to develop coronary artery disease or have a heart attack. The angriest were three times as likely to have a heart attack as the least angry.

    Anger’s stress hormones may contribute to arteriosclerosis, the build-up of plaques in the arteries that can cause heart attacks and strokes. These hormones may also increase levels of C-reactive protein (CRP), which causes inflammation and may also contribute to cardiovascular risk. One 2004 study in Psychosomatic Medicine found that people prone to anger had levels of CRP twice or three times as high as others. Anger can even cause electrical disturbances in the heart rhythm.

    What happens to your body when you get angry

    • Levels of hormones, like cortisol, increase.
    • Your breathing gets faster.
    • Your pulse gets faster.
    • Your blood pressure rises.
    • As you heat up, you begin to sweat.
    • Your pupils dilate.
    • You may notice sudden headaches.

    Screaming at other drivers, blasting the horn indiscriminately, lane jumping and venting rage won’t act as a safety valve, in fact it will have the opposite result – even less control.  But neither will suppres    sing your frustration – just bottling it up inside – do any good. Both are harmful to health, and likely to result ultimately in loss of control.

    What to do about anger in traffic?

    1)      Add ten minutes to your expected travel time: Invariably, if you push yourself to the final minute to leave for an appointment, the traffic lights will work against you. There will be an accident or road construction that causes a traffic tie up. The solution is to allow enough time to compensate for all but the worst case scenario. This will allow you to begin the trip relaxed. If there are delays, it is unlikely that they will make you late.

    2)      Take a deep breath: Since feeling angry is in part a physical process, you won’t be able to just talk yourself out of it logically. Instead, you need to calm yourself down physically. Breathe in and out deeply from your diaphragm, which is under your chest bone. After a minute or so, you should feel some tension ebb away. You can lower your heart rate and blood pressure as well as control your anger.

    3)      Tune the radio to some station that plays music that will relax you. Or have an audio book available: Try the latest political thriller, or a business or motivational speaker, to distract you from feeling you are wasting time.

    4)       Spend the down time thinking: Consider your next project or an important conversation that you may need to have with someone. Think of a fun thing you would like to do and make a pledge with yourself to do it.  Think of a worst case scenario that involves bad driving and remind yourself you do not want to be the victim.

    5)      Ensure you are getting plenty of sleep: A national epidemic of sleepiness is a contributing factor to road rage, according to the National Sleep Foundation. We all know how cranky we get without enough sleep. It makes us prone to feelings of annoyance, resentment and even anger. Eight hours is still the recommended daily dose of sleep for adults.

    6)      Your car is not a therapist. Many of us love and identify with our cars but sometimes you can take the “car as extension of self” idea too seriously. If your boss or your spouse left you steaming, take care not to use driving as a way to blow off steam. Competitive types (you know who you are) shouldn’t try to prove themselves on heavily travelled thoroughfares — save that enthusiasm for weekend romps on your favourite back roads. No matter how much power you’ve got under the hood, your vehicle is first and foremost a mode of transportation, not a weapon.

    7)      Chill Out: If you notice yourself clenching the steering wheel in a death grip, try flexing your fingers and loosening your hold — you’ll find that you can control the car just as well. If your right foot is cramped, set the cruise control if traffic allows. If you’re on a prolonged road trip, try not to exceed three hours of travel time without a break where you get out and stretch. Struggling to see through a dirty windshield is also an unnecessary stress factor, so fill up with washer fluid before you go. Periodically roll down the window and breathe deeply and slowly.

    • Aaron 9:18 am on May 30, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      hahahaha, love it dude ! Remember… your car is a mode of transportation, not a weapon !!!

  • midlifelove 6:08 am on February 26, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: chemistry, coutship, estrogen cyle, hormones, , , saliva, , sexual attraction, wet kisses, women's fertility   

    The Secret of Kissing 

    Kisses That Turn Her OnThe chemistry of romance just gained a new dimension, with revelations that a previously unknown ingredient in salvia increases sex drive. The impact of a first kiss can be life or death to a love affair, but now scientists investigating the biochemistry of kisses say that hormones exchanged during passionate kisses can stimulate sexual attraction.

    New findings show saliva in the kiss contains testosterone, so the open–mouthed wet kisses preferred by men may be an unconscious attempt to transfer testosterone and turn the woman on. Don’t make it too sloppy though, or you’ll turn her off.

    The exchange of hormones in a kiss may also allow males to assess women’s fertility and estrogen cycle, scientists argue. More than 90 per cent of human societies exchange kisses, but the full story of the hormones exchanged in a simple kiss is still to be told.

    Scientists say kissing is a way of assessing our potential mates. They are finding that all kinds of chemical systems are in play in courtship. One study found that 66 percent of women and 59 percent of men say that the quality of the first kiss can kill a relationship.

    • alec 6:51 am on February 26, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      I am Alec & I blog at Learn Love Lessons . I am also involved in writing articles for Love Relationships & Love Coaching. I was wondering if you be interested in adding one of my site at your blogroll, in return I can also mention about your blog or in my posts or at my blogroll. Let me know if you’re interested.


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