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  • midlifelove 12:06 am on February 27, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: beam radiation therapy, Dr Richard Valicenti, , radiation treatment, sex life after cancer, sex life good after cancer, sex life normal two years later   

    Radiation for Prostate Cancer Won’t Hurt Sex 

    If a man’s sex life was strong and happy before being he got prostate cancer, it’s likely it will return to similar good levels within two years of radiation treatment for prostate cancer.

    That’s the conclusion to be drawn from a new study on how sex is affected by the effects of prostate radiation treatments.

    While sex is likely to decrease over the first two years after treatment, it then stabilizes, according to US research reported by UPI.

    Satisfaction Four Years Later

    Researchers at the Jefferson Medical College of Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia, the Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia and University of California, Davis, School of Medicine evaluated 143 prostate cancer patients receiving external beam radiation therapy who completed baseline data on sexual function before treatment and at follow-up visits.

    Senior author Dr. Richard Valicenti of the University of California, Davis, School of Medicine, said patients were analyzed on sexual drive, erectile function, ejaculatory function and overall satisfaction for a median time of about four years.

    Past Performance Best Predictor

    The study authors found the strongest predictor of sexual function after treatment was sexual function before treatment and the only statistically significant decrease in function occurred in the first two years after treatment — and function then stabilized with no significant changes thereafter.

    The findings are published in the International Journal of Radiation Oncology*Biology*Physics.

  • midlifelove 12:19 am on February 17, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , boosts Vit D., cod liver oil, mackerel, salmon, sardines, , sunbathing, sunscreens, sunshine, , tuna, Vit D, Vitamin D   

    Sunshine boosts sex drive 

    The idea of taking a break in the Caribbean sun to rejuvenate your sex life isn’t just an escapist fantasy, according to new research.

    An hour of sunbathing can boost a man’s testosterone levels – and his sex drive – by 69 per cent, European researchers reported in the Daily Telegraph have found.

    Sunshine is vital to boosting Vitamin D levels, and the new study shows Vitamin D is essential for good testosterone levels.

    Stimulated by UV radiation, 90 per cent of Vitamin D in the body is produced by the skin, although it can be found in cold water fish like tuna and salmon, and in cod liver oil.

    And while sunscreens with a sun protection factor of 8 or greater will block UV rays that produce Vitamin D, but it is still important to routinely use sunscreen whenever sun exposure is longer than 10 to 15 minutes.

    Testosterone Fluctuates With Sunshine

    Researchers at the Medical University of Graz in Austria found men with more Vitamin D per millilitre of blood had much more of the main male sexual hormone circulating than those with less.

    And the average amount of testosterone over the course of the year was subject to the same fluctuations as the Vitamin D level.

    Both decrease from October – at the beginning of the winter months – and reach their lowest level in March because of the weaker solar radiation during this period.

    Not Enough Sun

    Season, latitude, time of day, cloud cover, smog, and sunscreens affect UV ray exposure, so if you live somewhere with little sun, it is especially important to include good sources of Vitamin D in your food.

    In Boston – for example – the average amount of sunlight is insufficient to produce significant Vitamin D synthesis in the skin from November through February.

    Ad Brand, spokesman of the Sunlight Research Forum in Veldhoven in the Netherlands, said: “Men who ensure their body is at least sufficiently supplied with Vitamin D are doing good for their testosterone levels and their libido among other things.”

    Best Foods For Vit D

    While sunshine is the most effective Vitamin D source, it can also be obtained by eating fatty fish –cold water varieties like salmon, mackerel, tuna and sardines, by taking cod liver oil, eggs, beef liver, or UV irradiated mushrooms.

    Foods like cereals and milk are now routinely fortified with Vit D.

    Testosterone is the most important male sexual hormone. In males it is mainly responsible for the development of the sex organs, the formation and maintenance of the typical male sexual characteristics, sperm production and the controlling of male desire.

  • midlifelove 4:47 am on December 21, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 70-year-olds enjoy more sex, Alex Comfort, British Medical Journal, men not so happy, Nils Beckman, older women happier, septuagenarians and sex, Swedish research on older people's sex lives   

    Better Sex At 70 

    “The things that stop you enjoying sex in old age are the same things that stop you riding a bicycle – bad health, thinking it is silly and no bicycle.”  – Alex Comfort in The Joy of Sex

    The number of 70 year olds that are having sex – and saying it is good sex – is increasing.  And more older women in particular are indicating specific satisfaction with their sex lives.

    Swedish researcher Nils Beckman and colleagues from the University of Gothenburg in Sweden surveyed four representative population samples of 70 year olds in Sweden over 30 years.

    More than 1,500 septuagenarians gave details of their sex lives for the report, published in the British Medical Journal.

    Over three decades there was an across-the-board increase in the number of 70 year olds that reported engaging in sexual intercourse.

    From 1971-2 to 2001-2:

    • Married men increased from 52% to 98%
    • Married women increased from 38% to 56%
    • Unmarried men increased from 30% to 54%
    • Unmarried women increased from 0.8% to 12%

    Women Especially Happy, Men Less So

    An increasing number of these women reported having an orgasm during sex and a decreasing number reported not having an orgasm.

    Though fewer women reported low satisfaction with their sex lives, the situation was different for men – there was an increase the proportion of men who reported low satisfaction.

    This could be due to the modern phenomenon of male’s accepting responsibility for sexual failure, according to the authors.

    A particularly interesting finding is that when sexual intercourse stops between a male and a female, both sexes readily blame men – a similar finding to studies performed in the 1950s and 2005-06.

    The researchers conclude that, “Our study…shows that most elderly people consider sexual activity and associated feelings a natural part of later life.”

    Doctors Should Ask About Sex

    The survey was considered especially interesting because it interviewed “ordinary’ people who were not seeking treatment for sexual dysfunction.

    The researchers concluded doctors are known to be uncomfortable about asking patients questions about their sex lives.

    Given that sex plays an increasingly valuable role in the lives of older men and women, Beckman and colleagues’ study reinforces the dictum that doctors should ask – and be trained to ask – every patient, regardless of age, ‘Any sexual concerns?’ “

  • midlifelove 4:08 am on December 11, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: david schnarch, , , , low desire, low libido in men, second most common sexual problem, ,   

    Does Men’s Low Libido Mean No Sex? 

    The woman on the phone was practically whispering. She had a question she wanted answered.  Did low libido (lack of interest in sex) mean a man couldn’t “do it”?

    It became clear as the conversation continued that she suspected her husband was using low libido as an excuse to refuse to have sex on some occasions, while coming on strong when it suited him.

    She wanted the definitive answer: if a man had low libido did that mean he couldn’t get an erection. And if he could, did that mean he didn’t have low libido?

    The conversation terminated abruptly – the impression was the man under discussion had entered the room – and so the caller never stayed long enough to get the answer she probably didn’t want to hear – that it’s just not that simple.

    Most men with lack of libido can achieve erections, but have lost the desire to have sex.

    Out-of-Sync:  Feelings and Physical Arousal

    Sex therapist David Schnarch Ph D. says physical arousal and subjective arousal do not always occur hand-in-hand. You can be obviously physically aroused, but not feel that way. And conversely, you can feel a strong sense of desire, but find your body is not responding.

    Says Dr Schnarch in Resurrecting Sex (Harper Collins) “Subjective arousal has to do with what you’re feeling (or not) about what your body’s doing. Sexual desire has more to do with your interest in engaging in sexual behaviour. Low desire is always relative to other factors – age, sex, health and life context.  Low desire generally shows up as persistent lack of sexual fantasies and disinterest in sexual activity.”

    David Schnarch notes men are just as likely to experience low desire problems as women – between a third and a half depending on which research you believe – but men are loathe to report it.

    Low Libido Second Most Common Men’s Problem

    Low libido is the second most common sexual dysfunction in men after premature ejaculation according to a recent issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. And a loss of “mojo,” as film character Austin Powers would put it, is also very difficult for men to discuss, despite the help available from health professionals.

    “Impotence and loss of libido are two very separate things,” says Richard Milsten, M.D., a New Jersey-based urologist and coauthor of “The Sexual Male” (W.W. Norton and Company).

    “However, men who experience impotence commonly experience a decrease in libido over time,” he adds. When libido drops and impotence is not a problem, there are numerous factors a doctor might suspect as the cause.

    While any illness can decrease sex drive, some conditions, such as thyroid disease, tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones) and depression, are directly linked to low libido, says Dr Milsten.

    Low Libido Relationship Problems

    Desire problems drain intimacy and good feelings from the relationship.

    One in five married couples has a non-sexual marriage (being sexual less than ten times a year). Three in ten non-married-couples who have been together longer than two years have a non-sexual relationship.

    As the woman caller mentioned at the start indicated, if a man reports low libido his partner often feels rejected and suspects it is just her he doesn’t desire. That can lead to a lack of trust and further emotional conflicts.

    Are there any medicines for low sexual desire?

    Drugs for ED such as Cialis, Levitra and Viagra have no effect on sexual desire – only on erections. Raising testosterone levels, either through injection, patch or herbs like tribulus terrestris, can help. And a number of other herbal remedies that have reported good results in stimulating men’s desire, including horny goat weed, tongkat ali, and muira puama.

    Read more about these herbs and natural sex enhancer Herbal Ignite at http://www.herbalignite.com.

  • midlifelove 9:57 am on December 7, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: halves death rate, , reduces depression, reduces heart risk,   

    Sex is Good For You! 

    It’s not often you discover doing something you enjoy is also really good for your health, but researchers have come up with startling results when looking at whether having sex was good for your health, Forbes magazine has reported.

    In one of the most credible studies correlating overall health with sexual frequency, Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade.

    Good Sex Life Halves Death Rate

    The study was designed to compare persons of comparable circumstances, age and health. Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards.

    Other studies show that having sex even a few times a week may help with the following:

    • Improved sense of smell: After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center.
    • Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 follow-on to the Queens University study mentioned above, researchers focused on cardiovascular health. Their finding? That by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
    • Weight loss, overall fitness: British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles.
    • Reduced depression: A 2002 study of 293 women reported by American psychologist Gordon Gallup indicated that sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality: Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract, thus modulating female hormones.
    • Pain-relief: Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.
    • Less-frequent colds and flu: Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system.
    • Better bladder control: Heard of Kegel exercises? You do them, whether you know it or not, every time you stem your flow of urine. The same set of muscles is worked during sex.
    • A happier prostate? Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc, citric acid and potassium, then concentrate them up to 600 times. Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated. Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing trouble, it’s better to evict them.

    Regular old sex could do the job. But if the flushing of the prostate were your only objective, masturbation might be a better way to go, especially for the non-monogamous male. Having sex with multiple partners can, all by itself, raise a man’s risk of cancer by up to 40%.

    That’s because he runs an increased risk of contracting sexual infections. A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.

    If you are interested in improving your SEX life, Then download this e-book on getting stronger Erections. http://herbaligniteusa.com/free-treatment

  • midlifelove 1:01 am on October 7, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: active sex life, American Heart Association, Duke University, , Gleason score, HPFS Study, , , , reduced cancer risk,   

    Extend Sex Life By Ten Years 

    exerciseA daily brisk walk, run or gym workout is looking increasingly attractive as the evidence supporting the benefits of working up a regular sweat continue to roll in. For middle aged men the pay off includes a longer active sex life and reduced risk of prostate cancer.

    Men who exercise 3-5 hours a week:

    • have 30% less risk of having erectile dysfunction (impotence)
    • have 70% less risk of developing prostate cancer – and of surviving it if they do develop it
    • can look forward to an additional ten years  of undiminished sex life

    Those are some of the conclusions from a tidal wave of surveys and studies conducted in the last five years.

    One of the largest, The Harvard Health Professionals Follow-up Study (HPFS) of over 31,000 men aged 53 – 90 who did not have prostate cancer is significant. One third of the men reported having erectile dysfunction in the previous three months.

    The risk goes up 5% a year after age 50. The study showed that regular exercise can mean ten more years free of erectile dysfunction for the average man.

    Lower Risk of Prostate Cancer

    The same study of 48,000 men over 14 years found that among those age 65 or older, those who exercised vigorously at least three hours a week had a 70 per cent lower risk of advanced or fatal prostate cancer.

    The study’s lead author, Edward Giovannucci, MD, ScD, says the findings suggest that regular vigorous physical activity could slow the progression of prostate cancer and might be recommended to reduce mortality from prostate cancer.

    Less Aggressive Disease

    A second study shows moderate amounts of exercise most days of the week may contribute to a lower risk of prostate cancer, and lower grade tumours among those men who are diagnosed with the disease following biopsy.

    Investigators found that men who regularly engaged in moderate activity — anything equivalent to walking at a moderate pace for several hours per week — were significantly less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer, and if they were, they were less likely to have aggressive disease, defined as a tumour with a Gleason score equal to or greater than 7.

    They assessed participants’ level of exercise with a questionnaire prior to the biopsy.

    Most Exercise Less Than an Hour a Week

    Most of the men fell far short of the American Heart Association guidelines for the minimal amount of exercise needed per week. Researchers found that a majority of the men (58 percent) were sedentary, meaning they exercised less than the equivalent of one hour per week of easy walking. Forty-six percent were moderately active; only 33 percent were very active.

    Investigators found that men who reported more hours per week of exercise were significantly less likely to have cancer on biopsy.

    More Exercise, Less Cancer Any amount of exercise was associated with a trend toward a lower risk of prostate cancer and as the amount of exercise increased, the risk of cancer decreased, says Jodi Antonelli, MD, a urology resident at Duke University Medical Center and the lead author of the study.

    Among men who were found to have cancer, even exercising as little as one hour per week of easy walking was associated with a lower risk of high-grade disease.

    Herbal Support for Prostate Health

    Herbs and supplements can offer real benefits for prostate health, including saw palmetto and lycopene, the tomato-based ingredient which has been found to be beneficial against prostate cancer. A nutritional supplement like Quup (pronounced Kew-up) with saw palmetto, lycopene, selenium and zinc is useful for mid life men experiencing urinary discomfort, or who simply want to give their prostate good support.

    However use of a supplement does not replace seeing your health professional for a full check of your prostate health. For more information check out What is Herbal Quup?

  • midlifelove 11:27 am on September 15, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: aids weight loss, boosts sex, , , civet coffee, cola, drinking coffee, increases infertility, Jack Nicholson, Kopi Luwak, reduces Parkinsons, Starbucks, The Bucket List   

    Caffeine – Sex Booster or Cause of Infertility? 

    sex booster
    Four out of five Americans and two out of five Australians start the day with a coffee.

    It’s almost certainly not the same brew –“the best coffee in the world” – consumed by Jack Nicholson’s character in the 2007 movie The Bucket List.

    That was a rare blend known as Kopi Luwak, civet coffee – where the beans have passed through the digestive tracts of civet cats, and are gathered when the seeds, still coated in some cherry mucilage, are eliminated in the cat’s “poop”. Great!

    But whether you take your daily caffeine fix in Kopi Luwak or Starbucks, in cola, chocolate or black tea – there’s truckloads of conflicting evidence about whether caffeine is good for your health and love life, whether it boosts sexual desire or causes infertility.

    Good and Bad News About Caffeine

    Good: A new study shows caffeine gets females in the mood for sex. With a few provisos – if you’re a female rat who hasn’t previously experienced a caffeine “lift”  – it had them coming back for more – sex that is not coffee.

    Researcher Fay Guarraci, an assistant professor of psychology at Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas, is cautious about whether it would boost women’s sex lives in the same way.

    “We gave only one dose of caffeine to animals who had never had caffeine before.

    “Most of the time, women drink coffee on a daily basis or ingest caffeine in cola beverages,” she observes. “In humans, it might enhance the sexual experience only among people who are not habitual users.”

    Bad:  More than four cups of coffee a day increases infertility in women who are already subfertile, according to a new European study. For many women though, it probably won’t make any difference.

    One study done in 2003 showed women who consumed less than 300 mg of caffeine a day (appx 2-3 cups of coffee) a day did not experience reduced fertility.

    Yet another study of over 1000 women found the risk of not conceiving to go up with each additional cup of coffee, where even one cup reduced a woman’s ability to conceive.

    The results are mixed for men as well. One study showed that sperm count, motility and abnormalities increased with the number of cups of coffee drank in a day – while another Brazilian study showed increased motility for mild to heavy coffee drinkers.

    Good: Coffee drinkers had a significantly reduced risk of diabetes, Parkinson’s Disease, cirrhosis of the liver, and gallstones.

    • A recent Harvard study of over 126,000 people conducted over 18 years found that compared to non-coffee drinkers, drinking 1-3 cups of coffee a day will reduce the risk of diabetes by single digits, but drinking 6 or more cups a day reduced that risk by 30% in women and 54% in men.
    • At least six studies have shown coffee drinkers are significantly less likely to develop Parkinson’s Disease (at least three studies showed that the more coffee you drank, the lower your risk).
    • Coffee drinking reduces the risk of cirrhosis of the liver by up to 80%, and cuts the risk of gall stones in half.

    Bad: Random Coffee Fact: People who buy coffee primarily at drive through windows on their way to work will spend as much as 45 hours a year waiting in line.

    Good: Caffeine aids weight loss

    Caffeine speeds your body’s metabolism so you burn calories at a faster rate, and it breaks down fat. Fat conversion is up to 30% more efficient when you consume caffeine before you exercise. It also keeps blood sugar levels higher, reducing appetite.

    “A Little Bad, A Lot of Good”

    Concludes Dr. Tomas DePaulis at Vanderbilt University Institute for Coffee Studies: “Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more helpful than harmful.” Drinking coffee, he says, brings little bad, but a lot of good.

  • midlifelove 11:55 am on September 14, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: passion, reasons for having sex, , sex survey, why women have sex   

    Why Women Want Sex 

    women love sex
    Women have sex to “ensure a quiet life” or to “bargain for household chores” ahead of expecting the earth to move.

    That’s what a survey of 1000 women interviewed by Texas University professors admitted as their reasons for having sex. Forget physical attraction!

    From relieving boredom, to keeping the peace or curing a headache, women have sex for many reasons but romance and passion come rather low on the list, a book presenting the survey results reveals.

    One woman even admitted to having sex just so her husband would put the rubbish out.

    Mundane Motives

    “Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,” Why Women Have Sex authors Cindy Meston and David Buss said.

    One woman she did it for a spiritual experience, proclaiming: “It’s the closest thing to God.”

    But mostly the explanations were far more mundane, with 84 per cent admitting to having sex just to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for household chores. One woman said: “I have sex to relieve the boredom because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do.”

    While it may not come as welcome news, some women have sex out of sympathy, with one admitting: “I slept with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them.”

    But many have more selfish motives, with financial or material rewards a major factor.

    Sex For Fun

    In one survey of students, nearly one in 10 women admitted to “having sex for presents”. Others said: “He bought me a nice dinner”, “he spent a lot of money on me early on”, “he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle”.

    And rather than love or romance, for many women sex is just about fun.

    Six in 10 university students said they slept with a male friend who was not their boyfriend.

    “Life is too damn short to be waiting four years to have sex again,” one said.

    • Katarina Nolte 4:52 am on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      You have a cool blog. Where is your RSS? If you get it I’d like to add you to my Google Reader. Thanks

    • thelocalguide 1:21 am on January 18, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      After reading I’ll have to think men make it a lot more simple in their heads when it turns to sex…. sometimes for worst ,sometimes for better…

    • naturegirl 2:03 pm on January 18, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      I would feel so cheated if I couldn’t have regular lovemaking! I may be well into the menopause but believe me I enjoy & crave sex as much as I did when I was younger! And for the record, I can still achieve orgasm every time (not to mention female ejaculation!)
      For me….ok, us, sex is what binds our relationship, without it we would feel lost & unhappy. I don’t know how much longer it will carry on, but mother nature willing, we will still be at it for all the right reasons for some years yet!!
      Great blog.

  • midlifelove 1:26 am on September 13, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ask Men survey, , , prenuptial, , soul mates   

    What Men Want 

    menRomance is on the way back in according to an international men’s survey that showed 71% of men believe in marriage and 36% believe in soul mates.

    While the “modern man” may not be easy to identify – is he ”macho” or is he “metrosexual ,“  the Ask Men website survey canvassed the views of 50,000 respondents from around the world. The published results are analysed according to the responses from Australia, the US, the UK and Canada.

    According to the 2009 Great Male Survey:


    71% of men believe in marriage.

    36% of men believe they have a soul mate, and are still looking for her.

    39% don’t believe it’s important to sign a pre-nup.

    The perfect girlfriend:

    46% think that women put too much value on financial worth

    33% think that a beautiful wife or girlfriend is the ultimate status symbol

    The most important personality trait that makes a woman “relationship material” is a sense of caring/nurturing, which came above loyalty, sense of humour and intelligence.

    22% of men said if they could change one thing about their wife/girlfriend, it would be her sexual appetite followed by her attitude/moodiness and then her looks.

    44% would dump a girlfriend if she became fat.

    50% of men prefer a C-cup size breast


    44% of men believe they should pay for the dates until the relationship is established.

    72% of men would snoop in their partner’s email or other electronic messages

    90% of men say a couple should live together before marriage

    42% say they are comfortable with their girlfriend keeping in touch with her exes.

    4% of men wouldn’t be comfortable with dating a woman with a higher income than they.


    18% of men have lied about how many sex partners they’ve had to protect their ego.

    40% of men have fantasised about their partner’s friend.

    53% of men use condoms.

    60% of men would take the male pill if it were available.

    86% would be offended if a woman faked an orgasm during sex.

    26% of men have faked an orgasm

    33% of them have masturbated at work.

    50% of men would change their penis size if they could.

    Only 1% of men admitted that they cheat on their partner.

    84% have lied about the number of sex partners they have had

    Frequency of Sex in Relationships

    40% were “somewhat satisfied – there is room for improvement”

    14% were completely satisfied – wouldn’t change a thing about it and the rest were dissatisfied because of the quantity or quality of sex or had no sex life at all

    79% believed that to have a happy sex life couples needed sex “multiple times a week”

    33% engaged in sex “multiple times a week”

    At home:

    33% of men own seven or more pairs of shoes.

    39% admit that real men cry.

    62% cook at home and enjoy it.

  • midlifelove 8:38 am on September 10, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: common sexual fantasies, Dr Marta Meana, Freud, , what women want, women's sexual desire   

    What Women REALLY Want 

    what women want
    It’s the sexual question that has kept men enthralled.

    Even the granddad of psychiatry Sigmund Freud, who thought he knew a lot about sex, admitted to a female student;  “The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is, What does a woman want?”

    Now a new breed of female researchers and clinicians is coming ever closer to finding the key to womens sexuality – and as a recent Oprah show related – the answers are raising eyebrows. It’s not, it appears, mind-blowing sex.

    Oprah’s show was sparked by a The New York Times Magazine article exploring female sexual arousal “What Do Women Want?” in which female sex therapist Dr. Marta Meana claimed that when it comes to sex, what women really want is to be wanted. “Being desired is the real orgasm,” she says.

    Being Desired Biggest Turn On

    Dr. Meana, a professor of psychology at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas has been studying women and sexual desire for 20 years. She says that while moments of pleasure are great, it’s the anticipation and buildup to those moments that really excite women.

    “I’m not knocking orgasms,” she says. “But being desired is extremely arousing for women. The reason for that is that being desired means that a man doesn’t just want to have sex. He wants to have sex with you.”

    This desire to feel desired explains one of the most common female sexual fantasies—being dominated by an attractive man.

    “When women talk about domination, what they’re trying to communicate is ‘I was so wanted by someone I wanted,'” Dr. Meana says. This fantasy is not about coercion or violence.

    Keeping Mystery Important

    On the other hand, some women don’t want sex at all, and Dr. Meana says that doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is in jeopardy. “Bad sex happens to good couples all the time,” she says. “No sex happens to good couples.”

    Many women in long-term relationships get worried when they feel the passion start to fizzle, but Dr. Meana says that can be fixed. “Passion is dependent on novelty, discovery, desire,” she says. “What happens in relationships is we fall into these old patterns, and we start thinking we’ve figured everything out about each other, and we really haven’t.”

    Happily married women often face a paradox when it comes to sex because the very thing that makes them happy—closeness with their partner—is what gets in the way of desire.

    “[In a study I conducted], the couples were in each other’s lives so much that they’re almost the same person at some point,” Dr. Meana says. “There’s no sense of otherness, no mystery, no excitement.”

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