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  • midlifelove 11:22 am on January 10, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: internet dating, love in the digital age, romantic rules in the digital age   

    Love in the Digital Age 

    The new technology – texting, Facebook, internet dating sites – have enhanced our love lives, and “grown ups” – those in the 50+ group – have embraced them wholeheartedly, as a slew of surveys show.

    But they also introduce new expectations, insecurities and confusion about how to behave and how to interpret your date’s behaviour.

    We’re all on a steep learning curve over the new romantic rules in a digital age – Should I text him or email him? If he texts rather than phones me does that mean he’s not that interested? Should I update my Facebook status to “In a Relationship?”

    So here, courtesy of dating and relationships advice site YourTango, are guidelines in negotiating the new world of digital romance:

    1. There is no hierarchy of communication.
    (Or: Why “If he liked me more, he would have called, not texted” is a waste of time.)

    Maybe a personal email feels more meaningful than Facebooking. Texting feels much more casual than a phone call. A phone call is something to brag about—but not if it’s after 1 a.m. on a weekend. But in reality, everyone’s order is different.

    Says YourTango: “Our digital behavior is still too varied, sporadic and context-dependent to make any sense of it. If you can accept that there is no universal communication pecking order, you can let go of our expectations of others. That frees everyone to communicate by their own rules.”

    2. But consistency does matter.
    Love depends on trust, and trust is built through consistency. A flurry of 20 texts in three days is exciting, but a text a day for a month is more meaningful. Keep this in mind when assessing whether the other party is just looking for a “fling”.

    3. Your tone is important.
    When you’re talking to someone you can hear their voice, and whether you realize it or not, the way you say something conveys as much as the words you use. Texting can make something you intend as ironic sound earnest.

    Lightening it up can also be fraught. Be aware exclamation points and emoticons (those smiley and frowning faces that inspire both loathing and adoration) come off as kooky or cloying if used the wrong way.

    4. Embrace privacy.
    Before the internet, relationships developed out of the interaction between people, not by evaluating all the e-evidence.

    You may need to respect the other’s privacy, including being able to be okay with not knowing information you’re curious about.

    If you find yourself stalking more than talking, consider cutting your online ties. Try de-friending him on Facebook, unsubscribing to his feed, ignoring his tweets.

    Don’t be afraid of seeming petty; petty is refreshing your Facebook every two minutes to see if he’s made a new friend. Relying on your trust, not his updates, might help you see him as a person again, not an avatar.

    5. In the end, words are still cheap.
    We can’t help playing out our romances in the digital space, but without the proper counterbalance of some good ole-fashioned face-to-face time, it’s easy to lose sense of who we and our loved ones are beyond the text.

    If you aren’t meeting and doing things together, you’re engaged in nothing more than a digital fantasy.

    Share Your Experiences

    Tell us about your experiences in seeking romance in the digital age.  Have you had an embarrassing misunderstanding through misinterpreting someone’s behaviour? Are you too shy to reply? Feel confused about what to expect? Let us know how you’ve fared in  with love in the digital age.

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  • midlifelove 10:17 am on January 3, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: internet dating, no sex taboo, over 55s dating, relationships online, Stella magazine   

    Over 55s Dating Most 

    You can forget the idea of being “past it” in the dating game when you hit 50.

    More over-55s have found a partner on the internet, joined a matchmaking club or attended a special singles event than any other age group, research for UK-based Stella magazine has found.

    Stella commissioned YouGov, the research agency, to interview almost 2,000 men and women of all ages and backgrounds who have been on a date in the past year.

    The results contradict many popular views on dating, as well as some of the stereotypes of the differences between the two sexes.

    Over 55s More Sociable

    The survey found that almost two-thirds of men and women over 55 have joined a dating website (62 per cent), compared to just over one fifth (21 per cent) of 18-24-year-olds.

    They also met up with more internet dates (an average of 8.2) and found more relationships online (2.1) than any other age group.

    They even met more sexual partners online (an average of 2.4) than any other age group, with the exception of the 45-54-year-old age group (2.6).

    No More Sex Taboo

    Keren Smedley, who runs Experience Matters, a relationship and dating consultancy, said the results dispelled some taboos about the older age groups.

    “For most people the idea that our parents or grandparents have sex is taboo, but this is nonsense. The survey shows that people can still lead an active dating lifestyle well into their retirement.”

    The survey also found that 31 per cent of women bought a new outfit for their first date, 40 per cent varnished their nails, and 15 per cent got a bikini wax.

     
  • midlifelove 8:01 am on September 30, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: dating sites, divorcee, eligible men, internet dating, meeting men, over 50, remarriage, remarry   

    Over 50, Looking for Love 

    looking for loveWay back in the mid-1980s, Newsweek published a story that had single women quaking in their power suits. Drawing on the work of three Ivy League researchers, the story suggested that women over 40 had a greater chance of being killed by a terrorist than of finding a husband.

    As Kristen Meinzer reported in a blog on Over 50’s Looking for Love the story and its claims were found to be completely flawed and Newsweek, after the twentieth anniversary of the piece, even retracted it.

    Easier For Men to Remarry

    Nonetheless, the image of the middle-aged, unloved divorcee persists—and it’s partly accurate (men have a greater chance of remarriage after age 50 than women of the same age), but it’s also not quite as bleak as the 1980s hysteria and some ensuing coverage makes it out to be.

    According to 2001 US Census figures, 41 percent of women 50 and over who’ve been divorced have remarried, compared with 58.4 percent of divorced men of the same age.

    Toughest for Educated Women

    “Among the divorced, the least marriageables in our society are older women, highly educated who make a good salary,” says Dr. Francesca Adler-Baeder of the National Stepfamily Resource Center at Auburn University.

    “Studies show men tend to marry down — someone slightly younger, less educated, making less money,” Dr. Adler-Baeder said. “Women in their 50s literally don’t have a visible pool of eligible men around them.”

    It’s highly likely some of these over 50 women don’t want to marry again, but if they do they are increasingly turning to the Internet to find likely partners.

    Internet Dating for Over 50s

    The Sydney Morning Herald reported this month that at the Australian dating site RSVP the over-50s are the fastest-growing subscriber group, with a 30 per cent increase annually for the past five years. The stigma that once may have attached to internet dating is evaporating.

    And at the free site Oasis, launched last year, more than 70,000 over-50s joined in the last quarter, said chief executive Dave Heysen.

    “Think of a 55-year-old who’s been in a marriage since their 20s, and the relationship ends,” said Lija Jarvis, RSVP spokeswoman. “Their social network is limited. It’s daunting; the rules have changed; it’s difficult to connect to people at the same life stage as you if you leave it to chance.”

    Anne Hollonds, chief executive officer of Relationships Australia (NSW), said older people were more comfortable with online dating than meeting partners in pubs or bars.

    “If they are coming out of a 20-year marriage and looking to meet a new partner, they’re not likely to go to pubs or clubs. The internet is a much softer entry into the dating arena and older people are more comfortable with that.”

     
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