Updates from February, 2010 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • midlifelove 1:00 am on February 23, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Air France-KLM, obese passengers, pay more per seat if you are obese, United   

    The Perils of Flying Economy 

    Former US vice president Al Gore has quipped that “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.”

    But after you’ve had a trip like the one in this you probably age by ten years!

    Obese Fliers to Pay More

    Air France-KLM has joined airlines like United in requiring obese passengers to pay more.

    United announced last year it would bump severely obese passengers off sold-out flights and require them to buy two seats on the next flight or upgrade to business class, where the seats are larger.

    Chicago-based United decided to adopt the tougher policy after receiving more than 700 complaints last year from passengers “who did not have a comfortable flight because the person next to them infringed on their seat,” the airline said.

    Now Air France-KLM has announced that for “safety reasons” from April 1 obese fliers who were unable to squeeze into a single aeroplane seat would have to pay 75 per cent of the cost of a second seat.

     
  • midlifelove 1:40 am on February 9, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bathroom, , dead skin n cells, dummies, loo, poo, removal, , underwear, undies, weighing scale   

    5 Worst Valentine’s Gifts 

    If you’re feeling sour rather than sweet about your 21010 Valentine, we’ve got suggestions for the Five Worst Valentine’s Gifts ever. These are little somethings that are guaranteed to offend.  If you risk giving them, be ready to handle the fall out, or make sure the (misplaced?) object of your affections has a great sense of humor.

    1) Sex for Dummies Book

    2) Installing two person loo for your loved one to poo at the same time as you

    3) Underwear to fit two people

    4) Chocolate scale to remind her that she’s got lots to lose

    5) Remove your own dead skin and fallen hair

     
  • midlifelove 10:51 am on December 30, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    5 Most Unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions 

    You might think making New Year’s Resolutions is a waste of time. After all, research shows 75% per them don’t last past the first week of the New Year, and by June less than half are still alive. That’s the bad news.

    The good news is, making resolutions is still useful. People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t.

    With that in mind, we survey the five most ‘likely to fail’ resolutions for 2010:

    1. I am going to eat healthy

    This resolution is good for anywhere between 7 hours to 2 weeks. Most people will break this resolution as soon as they unpack their Christmas presents because so many of them are chocolates.

    2. I am going to exercise

    This resolution is kept anywhere between 3 days to 2-3 weeks. It is always easier to go to gym during holidays. Once work starts people realise that going to gym is no longer feasible.

    3. I will not drink alcohol this year

    Probably one of the most unkept resolutions of all time. It is doubly wrong to make this resolution during New Year’s. All your friends know the fate of this resolution.

    4. I will spend more time with my kids

    The fact that you have to even make a resolution like this states that you are struggling to find time for your kids. Something is wrong somewhere.

    5. I will get over my financial debts

    You have probably overspent in the holiday season, a bit like major banks and governments. So now you think it would be the right time to bring in some strict measures to tighten your personal fiscal policy. However you find it normal to after couple of months to owe credit card companies $5000.

    To find out how to do better, read out blog on Keeping New Year’s Resolutions.

     
  • midlifelove 9:32 pm on December 10, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: america, barack, brad bitt, change, climate, confession, copenhage, , french, global warming, heat, , nicolas, obama, sarkozy, , ,   

    Climategate or Viagragate in Copenhagen 

    Barack and Nicolas Speak Up For Men

    As Tiger could perhaps attest, women consider athletes the most sexy male profession (78%), while politicians rate as the least sexy (14%), according to a http://www.girl.com.au poll.

    We’d have to beg to differ though where those international diplomatic stars US President Barack Obama and French President Nicholas Sarokzy are concerned.

    Both are leaders married to great women, appear to have excellent relationships, and both make “best-dressed men” lists alongside David Beckham and Brad Pitt.

    So it came as no surprise that at a recent international meeting they went into bat for men not as fortunate as themselves, men feeling the bite of fading virility, dare I say it, men facing up to erectile dysfunction.

    View the results for yourself. And if you like it, go into bat for men too and drop a comment on youtube video

     
  • midlifelove 9:45 am on December 1, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Elin, hole in one, Tiger Woods crash, Tiger Woods jokes   

    Tiger Woods Jokes 

    Last month Tiger Woods was commenting on Facebook that you never saw or heard anything of him or his former model wife Elin because they lived such boring lives. Not any more.

    His mysterious late night crash – and the shattered back window – produced a new crop of Tiger jokes within 24 hours.

    Here’s a sampling. After you’ve finished laughing, add your own in the comments box below.

    Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

    *******

    What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

    *******

    Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.

    *******

    What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

    *******

    Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

    ***********

    Q: What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

    A: Tiger has a better Driver.

    *********

    At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

    Tiger is a bit sceptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he’s too polite to say anything.

    “When I tee off, “the singer explains, “I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim.”

    Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round.

    When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, “How about if we play for $100,000?”

    Tiger insists he couldn’t possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

    But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents and says, “OK, it’s your money, and I’ll let you pick the time and the place”

    Stevie replies, “I’ll pick the time and YOU pick the place!”

    “Okay, Pebble Beach, what time?”

    “Midnight”

    ********

    I told Tiger Woods one of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball or drive in the wrong lane.

    *******

    This just in: Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods’ wife, has hired Chris Brown to help her improve her golf swing.

    ********

    Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife

    ********

    Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday morning.  It was Woods’ shortest drive since an errant tee shot at the US Open.

    *********

    Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

    *********

    Tiger woods will make even more $$$ cause sponsors like Durex, Viagra and Herbal Ignite are lining up to sign him up.


     
  • midlifelove 8:31 am on December 1, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: nose hair trimmer, romantic novel, vibrator dildo, worst Christmas gift ideas for men   

    Five Worst Christmas Gift Ideas For Men 

    Our man about the place Sam (late 20s and about to be married) gives his views on the things to be avoided if you want to earn brownie points this festive season.  But then again, if you are intent of offending, here’s how to do it!

    1. Used oversized underpants from Salvation Army

    Depending on how much you want to piss someone off you can select your gift underwear.  If you want to suggest to someone that they are getting a bit bigger then why not gift them super large camping tent size grandpa underwear.

    2. Socks and ties

    Nothing says you care as mundane gifts such as socks and ties. The only message you will convey is that you ran out of time so you got him this triple pack of socks or a boring tie.

    3. Personal hygiene products

    No to deodorant which says ‘u stink’ or nail clippers which suggest that you are still primitive and the rest of your cartload of monkey clan is looking for you.

    Also a big NO to nose hair trimmers, bikini wax strips and other hair removal products.

    4. A romantic novel

    I am not sure about what sort of message you will send them with this sort of gift.  However if you do give him romantic novel remember to insert the name of shop where you purchased it and make sure the book is refundable.

    5. A vibrator dildo

    NO NO NO NO – just no. Sex toys are a just a big no no, unless you want to make things at Christmas dinner a bit awkward.

     
  • midlifelove 10:01 am on November 25, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Celebrity, , Jezza, Jonathan Ross, Lotus, Phillip Scholfield, Piers Morgan, Porsche, Renault Espace, Suzuki Wagon, , Toyota Corolla   

    Jeremy Clarkson Proves Naughty Boys Win 

    jeremyTop Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson’s attraction lies in his “naughty boy” ability to beat the rap.  He says outrageous things and gets away with them. He offends almost as many as he entertains, and roars right on unfazed.

    On the surface, Clarkson has everything women desire: He’s a powerful celebrity, he’s outrageously wealthy, and he has a cool ride.

    In fact, the only thing Jezza doesn’t have going for him is that he’s no longer single. Happily married to his manager since 1993, he now lives in the Cotswolds with his wife, Frances Catherine Cain, and their three children, Emily, Finlo and Katya.

    Men We Secretly Adore

    While his fashion sense and chauvinistic comments are often cited as making him unpopular with women, in a 2008 poll of 5,000 female members of an online dating website, Clarkson came third in a poll of MISAs – Men I Secretly Adore, behind Jonathan Ross and Phillip Schofield.

    Characteristically, Clarkson was upset not to have come top. Clarkson has often recognised and celebrated the fact that car fanatics can be found in both sexes.

    In response to the reactions he gets, Clarkson has generally and consistently dismissed his importance, stating “I enjoy this back and forth, it makes the world go round but it is just opinion” and “I don’t have any influence over what people do, I really don’t. It makes no difference what I say. Top Gear is just fluff. It’s just entertainment – people don’t listen to me.”

    Comments Don’t Hurt Car Sales

    On the opinion that his views are influential enough to topple car companies, he has argued that he has proof that he has had no influence. “When I said that the Ford Orion was the worst car ever it went on to become a best-selling car.”  His concerted attacks have similarly done no harm to the likes of the Toyota Corolla.

    On his chat show, Clarkson, he caused upset to the Welsh by placing a 3D plastic map of Wales into a microwave oven and switching it on. He later defended this by saying, “I put Wales in there because Scotland wouldn’t fit.”

    On punching Piers Morgan, the editor of Daily Mirror: “Every woman asked me WHYI hit him, and every man WHERE I hit him.”

    Some of Clarkson’s more robust opinions:

    The Renault Espace:”probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Ooh good I’ve got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.’”

    The Suzuki Wagon: should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite”

    Clarkson’s highway code on cyclists: “Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.”

    Bus lanes: “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

    Small cars: “We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive in a Terminator, not am EM Forster novel.”

    The Lotus Elise: “This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.”

    The Porsche Cayenne: “Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.”

    On Cars: A car can be a tool but it can also be so much more. It can be a heart-starter, it can be a drug, it can be a piece of art and it can stir your soul

     
  • midlifelove 11:17 pm on November 23, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , George W Bush, Helen Clark, Hillary Clinton, Hone Harawira, moustaches, , Robert Mugabe, Rodney Hide, Sarah Palin, Vladimir Putin, what would he look like with a mo   

    Movember goes high profile 

    Famous Faces Movember

    There was a mini flurry of excitement in February when TV viewers thought they detected a faint fuzz on US President Barack Obama’s upper lip. Was he going to be the first president to sport a moustache since William Howard Taft in 1923? False alarm it seems, and the White House remains a facial-hair-free zone.

    But in the interests of promoting Movember, the men’s health initiative to raise funds for prostate cancer by growing sponsored moustaches, we thought it would be interesting to see how Obama and a number of other prominent politicos would look if they decided to become a Mo Bro (or Mo Sista).

    obama

    George W Bush

    Anti war protesters used pictures of Dubba with a Hitler moustache to give the ex-Prez a bad name. We thought we’d prefer to see him with an imperial style – hair growing from upper lip and cheeks and curled upwards. Appropriate for a guy who once led the biggest empire in the Free World.

    bush

    Sarah Palin

    In Turkey the slogan “do I have to have a moustache to be in Parliament?” highlighted the lack of women in powerful places. We know the former Alaskan Governor is now just an ordinary citizen, but her brief run to glory qualifies the gal as a Mo Sista.

    sarah palin

    Vladimir Putin

    President Putin has revived the cult of the body with his mastery of the sporting-political scene. Photographs in which he fishes, practises judo and strikes a variety of absurd, he-man poses have inspired not ridicule, but adoration.  So we say lead the way Vladimir, by inspiring world leaders to grow a mo!

    vladimir

    Helen Clark

    With her consciously low-pitched voice, former NZ Prime Minister Helen Clark, now head of the United Nations Development Programme, the third-highest UN position, was frequently accused of being more of a man than the blokes she ruled. So why not a mo as well?

    helen clark

    Hone Harawira

    Currently the bad boy of NZ politics because he skived off for a weekend in Paris with his wife when he should have been in boring Brussels meetings. Why not a mo to improve his prospects?

    hone

    Hillary Clinton

    She’s been accused of wearing pants to undermine male authority. We say why not go the whole hog?

    hilarry clinton

    Rodney Hide

    He ditched his wife and a ton of weight, found (much younger) new love and went dizzy on Dancing with the Stars. Now his perk-busting reputation is shattered with revelations of tax-payer funded jaunts with blonde Louise to Hawaii and points north. All he needs now is sexy mouth hair.

    rodney

    Nicholas Sarkozy

    He wears shoes with heels and he’s married to Carla Bruni. All that’s left for him to grow a mo to beat Mugabe’s.

    sarzoky

     
  • midlifelove 7:49 am on October 29, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Madrid,   

    Beckham on Condoms 

    Hot for David Beckham?

    beckhamNow he can be part of your sex life – sort of.

    Condoms bearing Beckham’s image may soon be sold at the gift shop of the Thyssen-Bornemisza museum in Madrid, Spain, according to the Guardian.

    Packaging will be decorated with art works that’ll be on display in the museum’s Tears of Eros exhibit from late October. The exhibit will include British conceptual artist Sam Taylor-Wood’s sleeping David video, which features the professional soccer player.

    Sex and Death

    Tears of Eros will house 119 works and examine “the close relationship between sexual desire and the death instinct,” among other things, according to the Guardian.

    The campaign involving the soccer-player clad condoms has not yet been finalized, but museum sources told Guardian that it’s well on its way. “The condom manufacturers are keen, so we are pretty sure it will happen,” says a museum spokesman.

    Baroness Thyssen, a former Spanish beauty queen whose art-collector husband founded the museum, doesn’t foresee any controversy.

    “I don’t see why anyone should be scandalized,” she says. “It is a way of bringing art and responsibility together.”

     
  • midlifelove 4:08 am on October 24, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , drunkest guy ever goes for beer, , excess alcohol, , , , long term alcohol abuse   

    Drunkest Ever Guy Goes For Beer 

    This guy gives new meaning to the word “paralytic” drunk and that’s for sure. The Drunkest Guy Ever has already gathered millions of YouTube views and you can see why – it’s horribly riveting to watch him scuttle around on his back like a crippled beetle, trying to right itself.

    And you can bet his problems in “getting up” will extend far beyond standing on his two legs.

    His girl friend – if this loser has a woman in his life which would be surprising – will have already discovered that excess alcohol consumption produces budding “super-studs” who end up being “all talk and no action!”

    Alcohol Abuse Causes Impotence

    Case studies have shown that long-term alcohol abuse causes alcohol impotence in men even when they are sober.

    The bottom line is that at best excess alcohol leads to chronic sexual under-performance and at worst chronic alcohol impotence.

    Yet other recent research shows women with any brains don’t stick around for men who drink and smoke excessively. Sorry buddy, failing to get more beer is the least of your problems!

    Herbal Help

    Herbal alternatives can help with erectile dysfunction, but if you’re drinking as heavily as our friend here is, there’s nothing going to save you from a life of bummed out sexual disappointments.  For the rest of the men in more control of their lives, there’s Herbal Ignite.

     
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