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  • midlifelove 8:53 am on October 2, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , authentic life, baby boomer, better jobs, Fay Weldon, happiest womens secrets, , Marcus Buckingham, opportunities, satisfaction   

    She’s Got It All – So Why Isn’t She Happy? 

    sex and the cityAs a baby boomer lucky enough to have made it through to the 21st century, I can’t imagine a better time to be a woman! With access to work, education and leisure opportunities like never before, I just can’t imagine what woman have got to not to be happy about.

    Want to go skiing in your 60s? Why Not? Get remarried in your 70s? Go for it! Back pack around the world or take up the flute in your 80s? Hey if it excites you, do it!

    It’s a historic fact that the last four decades have seen women secure better jobs and education, higher salaries, more free time and more influence.

    Fay Weldon Recants

    So why, as recent studies have shown, are they, unlike men, growing sadder as they grow older? Why is feminist author Fay Weldon (77) now saying women should step back from the board room and have babies, pick up men’s socks and fake orgasms?

    Despite all the gains of the last 40 years, gains that were supposed to have given women fulfillment and even, for the special few, the sustained thrill of living of an authentic life, women’s general life satisfaction is trending downwards.

    Ariana’s Sad and Shocking Truth


    As journalist /blogger Ariana Huffington has noted in The Sad Shocking Truth about How Women are Feeling “It doesn’t matter what their marital status is, how much money they make, whether or not they have children, their ethnic background, or the country they live in. Women around the world are in a funk.”

    The usual excuses – working longer hours, doing more house work, gender stereotyping – don’t stack up when examined closely.

    Marcus Buckingham, a best-selling author and former Gallup Poll researcher reckons he’s got the answer – and that is that women and men pass each other in a mid point in life. Women start out feeling more fulfilled, and then lose it as they age, while men go in the opposite direction.

    Happiest Women’s Secrets

    In Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently, due out in the US in late September, Marcus suggests the happiest and most successful women:

    • Don’t agonize over who they aren’t—they accept and act on who they are. They have discovered the role they were born to play and they play it.
    • Don’t juggle—they catch-and-cradle. They don’t keep things at bay, but select a few things and draw them in close.
    • Don’t strive for balance—they strive for fullness. They intentionally imbalance their lives toward those moments that make them feel strong.
    • Always sweat the small stuff—They know and act on the specific details of what invigorates them (and they let go of what doesn’t strengthen them).

    So what about you? Are happy with where you are? Has life lived up to your expectations so far? And if not, what are you doing about it? We’d love to hear.

  • midlifelove 1:25 am on July 8, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , art aron, attract love, , danger love matching, , , flimsy, foreign city, hormone pleasurable, hurricane katrina, new orleans, , rapids, , satisfaction, swin, theatre show, water rafting   

    Tip No 1 for Attracting Love 

    1) Do new, exciting, slightly risky  things together

    romanceVisit a foreign city, walk a challenging mountain trail, go white water rafting, swim after dark, buy last minute tickets to a sports event or theatre show…. Any new activity, but particularly risky or dangerous ones, prompts spontaneous attraction by stimulating adrenaline (closely related to dopamine and norepinephrine).

    “Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder,” says psychologist Art Aron.

    Several studies show couples who do exciting things together feel more satisfaction in their relationship.  But it appears sharing an exciting activity can also stimulate romantic love.

    In a typical study, 28 dating and married couples were asked to fill our various questionnaires, then do an activity together, them fill out more questionnaires. One activity was exciting, the other dull.

    Questionnaire responses showed those who did the exciting activity experienced increased feelings of relationship satisfaction, and more intense feelings of romantic love.

    Danger Heightens Response

    We’ve probably all known friends who have found a new love during an extreme experience – being brought together in seemingly random circumstances through unusual or tragic circumstances.

    The “love matches” birthed during New Orleans’ Hurricane Katrina are the perfect example of circumstances where responses are heightened by the brain chemicals of adrenaline and dopamine produced  in response to the danger.

    The so-called “creaky bridge” experiment – which involved getting men to walk across either a steady, broad low bridge or a flimsy high suspension one above boulders and rapids – confirmed the idea that sharing exciting experiences can enhance feelings of attraction.

    The two walking bridges span the Capilano Canyon in North Vancouver; In the middle of each bridge stood the same beautiful young woman (part of the research team) who asked each passing man to fill out a questionnaire. After each man completed the survey, she casually told him that if he had any further questions about the study he should call her at home. She gave each her telephone number. No one knew the woman was part of the experiment.

    Nine out of thirty-two men who walked the narrow, wobbly high bridge were attracted enough to call the woman at home, while only two of those who met her on the low safe bridge contacted her.

    Psychologists Donald Dutton and Art Aron concluded that the novelty of the situation – being on a high scary bridge – elevated levels of dopamine, the hormone of pleasurable attraction/addiction.

    Boost Sexual Health

    Many of the hormones involved in sex and love – including dopamine, serotonin and testosterone – are susceptible to stress or aging. They can be boosted by eating the right foods – including cottage cheese, chicken, dark chocolate, yoghurt, eggs, and oats, or by herbal and nutritional supplements like Herbal Ignite.

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